:Jokes: - BollyMaza.com :

Aishwarya roy & ant

Aishwarya rai was shooting for coke, At the break she was having a coke standing under a tree .

A male ant and his son were just near the edge of the tree branch.

By mistake the ant son fell into the coke bottle the ant father went and said something to aishwarya and aishwarya fainted and fell down

unconscious ....???

?

?

?

Ant said "teri coke mein mere baccha hai"

DOCTOR & PATIENT

DOCTOR: Is there some problem in your eyes?

PATIENT: Yes doctor, but how did you know my problem without asking me?

DOCTOR: Because instead of door you entered from window.

DOCTOR: What is your problem?

PATIENT: I am feeling like killing myself.

DOCTOR: Don't worry, leave it to me.

Blood test

Boy goes for blood test. nurse takes sample and cannot find cotton, so she sucks his finger.

Boy is so happy that he asks, "Can i get a urine test done ?"

Wedding ring

1 girl told to her friend "Why are you wearing a wedding ring in the wrong finger?"

The other answered "To show others that I was married to the wrong person."

Why Divorce?

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.

"I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

Shayari

Ladka :- ke kash is hasseno ke baap mar jaate moka gum ka hota magar inke ghar to jate .

Ladki :- ae kadke yeh sochna bhi paap hogi soch to yeh ki kisi din tu bhi ek hassena ka baap hoga.

Cake

Once a Wife complained that a burglar ate all of the

cake she baked that day.

So the husband said, "shall I call the police or the ambulance?

Definitions

Marriage :

Nature's way of preventing us from fighting with strangers.

IT Woman

Which Type Of Woman Is Yours?

HARD-DISK Woman:

She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:

She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:

Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:

They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:

Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:

Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:

She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:

She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:

Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your esources. If you try to uninstall her you will

lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............

Real Father

A boy had a black tongue, so whatever he say will Happen. Once his

teacher asked a question in the classromm and he answered it wrong. So his

teacher slapped him. The boy got angry and cursed the teacher, Oh God! by

tomorrow morning this teacher should die. The teacher infact died and all

other students told their parents and head master about the incident. So

all parents went to that boy's father and complained. Boy's father got

very angry and slapped the boy very hard. the boy got angry and cursed his

father in public, oh God! my father should die by tomorrow morning. The

next morning everyone was waiting for the bad news, but Guess what? the

father did n't die, the neighbour did. :D

Sleep with me

A woman was falling from her flat. She was catched by this German man and she told him she is so thankful that she will do anything, and he replied 'sleep with me.' She replied 'NO' then the man dropt her. This

time a Christian man caught her and she told him she will do anything for him. He replied 'sleep with me' and she again replied 'NO' the man dropt her. This time she was caught by an Muslim man and she said i'll sleep with you! The man drops her and says 'YAALLAH'

Bill gates

Bill gates, the computer guy, went to heaven. God was confused

about where to put him-hell or heaven. So bill gates said i will go to the

two places and see which one is better. first he went to heaven. as he

expected, everyone wore white, had big wings, and had homes made with

clouds. When he went to heaven, he saw a beautiful beach with many

beautiful girls. so he lived in hell forever. when god came to check on

him, He saw that Bill was suffering. Bill complained, "oh death in hell is

so boring. i saw a beach with lots of beautiful girls before. what

happened to all that?"

For a minute, god thought and said, "that was just a screensaver!!"

Intelligence

A little boy went up to his father and asked:

'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'

The father replied: 'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,

'cause I still have mine.'

COMPUTER.... MALE OR FEMALE?

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard,Captain!").

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion are the followings:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with

other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative

as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm

certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for

later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself

spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons are the followings:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half

the time they ARE the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had

waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.